Saturday, August 2, 2008

A Little About Me- part 2

Well, it's August 1,2008 and yesterday was my 6th year anniversary, so now I'd like to continue with my story.
The first thing we did was to come clean to our parents (especially mine) and told them everything that had been going on. Like all the times I'd call in the middle of the night and said Andy, (my husband) had to go on an emergency call and needed some cash or I'd ask for money to pay a bill, but took the money and bought crack, or driving to Miami at 2:30am, (occassionally with my daughter in the car) to buy like $30 or $40 worth that would be gone before I'd get back home.
My parents were shocked to say the least, but yet proud of us for coming forward with the truth. We told them not to give us cash anymore or their bank card.
Talk about a weight lifted off my shoulders or the guilt. I felt so much better and relieved that they really and finally knew. We also had to explain things to our 12 year old son and 6 year old daughter. With my son, I told him everything and explained that mommy and daddy were crack addicts and now we were recovering addicts and that was one of the reasons we were having so much trouble in our household, but not the only reason. Answered any and all of his questions. As for my daughter we just told her that mommy and daddy were sick and trying very hard to get well.
For the next 3 years, I struggled alot to stay clean, especially evrytime something wasn't going well, but I did it. Then On August 1,2005, my son and I had a big, blowout fight and he took his clothes and computer and went storming 2 doors down to my mom and dad's house, said he hated me and hoped I'd die. My parents yelled at him for talking bad of his mother and still lives with them today.
When my son left, it just about killed me. I guess that's what sent me into therapy. We found out that I am slightly agoraphobic, severly clinicly depressed, mood disorder, and a couple other things. After almost a year, they finally put me on some medication to try. After about 6-8 months, I started noticing less days with severe depression. Continuing therapy, even to this day, has helped me tremendously! I'm still working through alot of things, but I'm getting there.
My relationship with my son is so much better. He still lives with his grandparents, but we are very close. They moved 1 1/2 years ago to Morriston,FL.
We talk often and text all the time.
Now I'd like to mention and thank a really good, fairly new friend because after talking to her one time on the phone, she empowered me to want to help other people that might be going through the same thing, so I decided to start writing about what I've gone through and what I'm still dealing with and trying to learn how to come to terms with, so Rebecca Erikson, thank you so much for helping me to break free. What a wonderful feeling it is! I also, want to thank my mother, who's always been my cheerleader. Mom, I appreciate everything you've done for me and always being there when I needed you, no matter what. Thank you and I LOVE YOU!!!!
Well, that's it for now, but there will be more.




3 comments:

Two Old Chicks said...

Congratulations on staying clean--I know it can be difficult at times! Yours is an amazing story!
I've had a few friends who have gotten on crack--it's really awful stuff. (and we're talking people in their late 40's and 50's--not kids!)
I had one friend, I'd known for at least 8 years, and would have trusted her with most anything. She got tangled up with some guy she met online. They were renting a trailer from her dad, got into a fight with him, and asked if they could come stay at our place--said they'd fix up an outbuilding we have here, and did so. We knew he had a 'history' but swore he was clean. Turned out both of them were on crack. They ripped us off big time. By the time we threw them out, we didn't have any power tools left, he had scrapped out everything metal he could find on the place--including perfectly good items, windows, etc., that he destroyed for whatever metal was in them.....stole aluminum parts off some cars we were storing for other people,even took the aluminum slat skirting off our mobile home--saying he was going to replace it with something much nicer...yeah, right! They borrowed money--that of course, was never repaid.
The saddest part is she had an 8 year old mentally handicapped child and a 16 year old emotionally disabled boy. I haven't seen or heard from her since they left about 4 years ago, so don't know what their status is now.
Kat

Margie Shrake said...

What a powerful story! Congratlations on staying clean...I am also hearing of these stories. It is horrible to think that there are so many people that get involved somehow, that never return from their drug use. I thought I had commented on this,but I had to turn in my oldest daughter for their use of drugs, when her youngest was two months old. I have to say that this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But, I did. I was so very concerned for my other grand children as well as her, and her husband. I had gotten a call from her one morning, screaming that she did not know why, her new baby was named, "Ray"...Obviously it was not me that named him. It was them. I had tried for the past two years to turn her in repeatdly to the authorities. However , It really did not matter, as they did not want to make any reports. I went to my grand kids schools, and did anything I could to get them noticed. It took me that two years, of tears wondering if they would live or die. I talked to the counsler's at the kids schools, the police, the hotline, and nothing seem to work...that was untill I decided enough was enough and I just kept making reports, talking to the kids teacher's...Finally when she called me that morning, she was more distraght as usual, and I called the police, had to go out there. I found my grand kids all in the house hiding away from them. My daughter and her husband did not have a problem, so they thought. However when my daughter threw in a complete rage, It was my best chance in calling the police again, as they were on their way, she stormed out of her house talking about killing her self. I then called back and told the officer's when they came out..they finally took her to a near by hospital to be evaluated. Now, there was all kinds of help finally. That was seven years ago..We do not have the best relationship, but my grand kids are safe,.My daughter and her husband are now married and have been clean for a good amount of time. They also almost lost these three kids, it took over two years through out the states help in order for them to not lose their custody of them. While the oldest was in foster care, she is now 14, she was raped in foster care...another sad situation, however her step dad, was actually able to get her a large amount of money for when she is older for the states neglect. Now, Ifeel very gratfull for their life that exist now.

WhiteOak said...

Hi there,

Congratulation on your accomplishments, and for sharing your story. When I wrote Circle of Healing, I too felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from my spirit. Sharing such deep emotional stories is very hard to do, yet very rewarding. http://www.squidoo.com/circleofhealing This is the link to my story, and it is also a squidoo lens that I have started to delete more times than I can count. I still do not promote it, but leave it as a reminder that the Circle of Healing is always with us. Many Blessings.